I’ve cracked the code on Mother’s Guilt!

I’ve cracked the code on Mother’s Guilt!


I have just been on my first bike ride since I became a mumma. I really wish I had have done this video before I’m exhausted from this ride because I’m a bit shattered now. But before… I was so excited and energetic!!

I’m still excited but I’m just a lot more quietly excited, because I’m riding along and I was on the phone to somebody creating amazing, awesome things too (I just happened to be riding.) A freaking Cattle Dog chased me down, and so I had to do major interval sprints. I had all these plans I wanted to talk to you about, a download, and now I’m like “Ughhh…!!!” But exciting days anyway.

I have to kick it off with: I’ve had amazing mentoring myself in the last week or so. One of them was my long term mentor Ian O’Dwyer who is an international presenter on all things about making your body move well. He started saying back things to me that I say to you guys. Just about instead of thinking about exercise, thinking above moving your body. Instead of trying to motivate yourself, get centered. And when you honour yourself, you’re inspired to do the things that honour you back as well.

When you honour yourself, you’re inspired to do the things that honour you back as well.

And I said to him, “Ian, you know what, I keep choosing to think stressful thoughts. Everything you’re telling me I actually know to do, but I keep refusing to do it.” And it just shows up in not eating regularly, not eating the right food, inhaling pizza and chocolate biscuits and gelati – and all of the above. And really, it’s because it’s like, What happened first, the chicken or the egg? Did I eat the food and then became stressed? Or did I get stressed and then I ate the food? You don’t know because you just keep on going around and round in circles.

Then the Universe gave me a beautiful gift by having a session with my incredible spiritual mentor Michela the very next day, and she helped me uncover that I had three different conflicting low vibrational energetic belief systems that were kind of buffering me around, like I was totally in the chaos of the storm – and I realized it’s the root of mother guilt.

3 Low Vibrational Energetic Belief Systems

#1: “I’ll give all of myself to everybody else and I’ll have nothing left for me, because that’s what will make me a good mother…”

There was a part of me that wanted to just go, “I’ll give all of myself to everybody else and I’ll have nothing left for me, because that’s what will make me a good mother.” And so I really was finding I was losing the sense of self.

I went on a bit of an adventure with a girl friend recently, and it was her first time leaving her little guy, who I think is 18 months old. It was her first time leaving her little guy with my nanny. And we went here so we could go here or here, and she was like, “Are we allowed?” I’m like, “You went for the majority of it your life just making your decisions. Of course you’re allowed. What is this weird thing that tells us we’re not allowed?” (It’s the prolactin hormones.) And this I think is this idea that we give so much of ourselves because that actually is what the baby needs, but we kind of forget when we can switch it off or we can compartmentalize our self and have different portions of our life.

I can be fully present in the Bianca the Bike Rider. I can be fully present as my role of being a mentor and a leader for high-performing women who are really hard on themselves. I can be my own student. I can be my own athlete. There’s all of these parts of you what want to be expressed. And if you don’t let them have their time on the spotlight then they get really shitty and they start acting out – and most of the time that’s with food.


#2: “The more painful it is, the more I sacrifice and the harder I make it for myself, the better I am…”

The other one that I realized was that I actually thought that when I go through pain, the more painful it is, the more I sacrifice and the harder I make it for myself, the better I am. And Kylie was telling me that that’s actually a hangover from childbirth. Like you’re actually embracing the pain because you’ll go through any pain to make sure that little person, that little human, is going to come out and you’re going to give it the best possible chances. It’s like, “Yeah, I’m going to leave everything on the floor!!” And then we let that hang over as well.


#3: Addiction to the sugar hit

The third low vibrational energetic belief system that was interfering with me was this kind of addiction to the sugar hit, just like a heroine addict. So I always keep on choosing the stressful thoughts because then I could reward that bad behavior with shitty chocolate. I was eating those Royals. It’s got a bit of shortbread, it’s got a bit of chocolate, it’s got a bit to be sugar and marshmallows, so I can have a little bit of everything. I can have all of that. My belly is still bloated from knocking off a few packets over the last few weeks.

Those three different belief systems were so messing with my sense of self and my health, that I just wasn’t exercising.

I went for my first run in two years yesterday and you wouldn’t believe (or you probably would believe) the number of excuses I was using to not go for a run:

“Well, I don’t want to go for a run because my boobs is too big.”

I actually put two bras on. Oh my god!

“I can’t do any workouts because I don’t have a nice place to do a workout.”

Well, actually I do because I’ve got a little playpen for the baby, and he can do it with me.

“I don’t want to go running in those shoes because my feet are too big. They grew half a size from pregnancy.”

“I can’t do it because if I run down the street then my dogs will feel guilty and I’ll be a terrible dog mother.”

Everything about my level of success to date has been about my tolerance, my mental stamina to inflicting pain upon myself. It’s totally been a method of success. Ugh! I can’t even believe why this was the same reason that was holding me back from experiencing success in my body as well. Duh! Listen to yourself, take your own advice.

Everything about my level of success to date has been about my tolerance, my mental stamina to inflicting pain upon myself.

And so yesterday, all I did, I just got in the car, I was like, “You know what, if it’s going to make the car dirty, clean it!” If i’m worried about mosquitoes, put natural mozzie repellent on the baby and on you. And when I actually did it and I said yes to myself…

I think in my head I was like, “Well, if I can’t do it every single time, why do it at all?” We’ve got a full gym set up at home, and Pete’s like, “We’ve got this, we’ve got that.” And I’m like, “Yeah, but I don’t have a nice place to do it.” He goes, “You could just run around the house.” And I was like, “I don’t need your logic bullshit right now, okay. You can take that reasonable suggestion and cram it! I do not want to hear that from you right now.” And so now i’m finally doing it.

And you know what? I was running the forestry yesterday afternoon. I was screaming, I was yelling, I was laughing, I was having the best time ever. Even things like, “I can’t listen to music because I don’t want to disconnect myself from my child, and I want to be present with him.” Well, I just put the phone on speaker on the pram so he can listen to it too.

The amazing thing is that when I said yes to myself, he got to see me during workout. That was so cool! I’m like, “Yeah, dude. I used to do this all the time.” I’m not just like a big bean bag, like a big sloppy mess. I’m not like just an udder, like a breeding sow. And for him to see me having fun, awww, it was so cool. He was just like, “What are you doing, mum?” looking at me.

And I’m yelling and screaming and having an awesome time and doing videos like this, and I just thought, “I want to be a fully expressed woman for my son to see that.” I don’t want to be a stick in the mud. I don’t want to be cranky all the time. I want to be cool. I’m like, “Yeah, dude. I used to be cool. I used to be a hipster. I used to go dancing. I used to go out night clubbing before I was always on the line.”

So many awesome things happen when you say yes to yourself — and that is when you embody pleasure.

It’s like all this amazing joy lined itself up. Kylie, I just had an amazing connection call with a super awesome entrepreneur, like amazing incredible alignment whilst i was riding up here. I’m trying to talk to him about list building and a cattle dog started chasing me, I’m like, “I’m still talking… I’m still here… The cattle dog’s trying to eat me!” But so many incredible things have happened – and that’s what I think happens when you say yes to yourself.

I went to the service station because I realized… I went home and the cleaning lady was there. I’m like, “Ahhh! I’m so thankful for you, cleaning lady. I’m going to get you some money now.” And then while I was there the ladies at the counter was speaking about this great banana bread. They’re like, “Do you want some?” I’m like, “Sure, I’d love some homemade banana bread. You’re right. That’s amazing!”

So, all these things… the better it gets, the better it gets, the better it gets. So many great news, so many awesome things that happen when you say yes to yourself. And that is when you embody pleasure.

And Kylie’s been telling me this, I’m like, “Ugh! Shut up with your embodying pleasure. I don’t get what you mean. I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Whatevs!!” And now I actually realize, “Oh, now I can actually have the joy and the pleasure that was already in my life.” Like this bike, this freaking $1500 that I haven’t used, the incomplete gym that’s in my shed (I don’t have to drive anywhere), the amazing surrounds, the crappy old CrossFit shoes I already have – it’s all there. You have all the resources available to you right now that you can access.

 If you can’t spend your own time on yourself, what’s it for?

So, listen, that was just my big massive rant. That’s because I realized that I have been making it mean that my time is my own – saw a part of that. And so now, I’m like, “Yes, I’m going to do whatever the #%^* I want to do today. Woohoo!!” Because if you can’t spend your own time on yourself, what’s it for? We’re all going to end up at the end of this life in a box, right? We all have our day. I would much rather have my days filled up being a fully expressed woman, doing whatever the #%^* she wants and having an amazing time, because whatever the #%^* she wants is the best for all the women and people and family and friends and clients and colleagues around me too.

Shine, shine, shine! Have a great day! Shine, shine, shine! Talk to you soon… Bye, guys!

I’d love to know if you got something from this. I’d love to know what you feel like you’re going to help access some resources for yourself and have a freaking amazing day. You know that I help people… I eat my own advice too, you know. I eat feedback for breakfast. When I know I’m doing things, of course I take it, I implement it and I teach it.

If you want to do be on the leading edge of knowing how to be your own leader and design your own destiny, we can help. Just send me a message. We’ve got an awesome Facebook group called the Rising Queens. We help women stop waiting for all the perfect circumstances before they can start saying yes to themselves. I’ll put the link below. Come and join us! Come join the party!

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