I had a Gestational Diabetes test yesterday, and it took the majority of my day away
I thought; today was kinda wasted….
And yet day turns to night over and over – regardless of whether I made the most out of that day.
I found myself feeling sad about;
I’m almost crying thinking about dying on the children I haven’t even given birth to yet!
These pregnancy hormones are diabolical for sentimentality!
And it brought to mind this photo.
I remember thinking to myself – How could ANY mother EVER think anything negative about her body when she brought life into this world and could sustain it outside her womb with nothing less than a source of perfect nutrition from her breast?
But it wasn’t always so – I have spent a lifetime stabbing myself in the heart with words of self-loathing about my body.
At age 5 I manifested plain warts all over my face – because I was so convinced of the ugliness of my chubby round face and ringleted brown curls.
At 8 I remember looking at my thin friend who’s knees were blue from cold and thinking to myself that’s how skinny I should be too.
At 16 I stole a packet of “hydroxycut” from the supermarket I was so ashamed of my body I couldn’t bring myself to buy them at the counter
At 21 in the US on a College Volleyball Scholarship I remember looking in the mirror, calling myself disgusting and when a red tide of self-loathing washed over me I wished for a knife that could cut the fat of my thighs off.
At 28 – Every night for 2 weeks I took 1 pill of a horse steroid, a drug that bodybuilders used to burn a couple of hundred grams of extra fat. A drug that could kill you if you took 2 of them – by burning you up from the inside.
My struggle with my perception of my body, and how I viewed my self-worth made me seek out the world’s greatest teachers, connect with incredible souls and masters of their craft and go on many a deep journey inwards until I transmuted that soul crippling pain to exquisite gratitude and joy.
Cut to last night – my 2yo son was running around with a plush dog my boyfriend gave me 13 years ago when we were on the verge of breaking up.
Today, that man is now my husband, the father of my children and still the love of my life.
What was once a symbol of pain and uncertainty, mixed with tenderness and an unwillingness to let go of what we had – now gives my son great delight. He’s claimed it as “Mine not yours!”, renamed it after our ridgeback and calls him “Bossy”.
And I guess the message of this rich dichotomy – now makes me deeply humbled by the passage of time, and mind-blowingly thankful for the wounds I carried – because of the gift of the journey that healed them.
This photo; but a fleeting moment of time in this journey we call life
This body – the vessel that is our one opportunity to experience it
Where this bittersweet passage of time is the only thing that gives it all value and meaning.
And I guess the conclusion I draw to comfort myself is that it’s a futile exercise to think of the passing of time as wasted. Because with every perceived negative there is a positive that compliments it, with every great plot twist a climax that succeeds it.
The contrast of the two spurs us onto the next experience, and without it, we’d be stuck in the inertia of melancholy for the past, anxiety for the future and our absence from the present.
Imagine that – ignoring the gift of today, because you’re so focused on the beauty of what the past was, or the imagined discomfort of what the future might bring – so much so that you’re not present for the gift that’s unravelling in this very moment!
That would be like stressing out about having 3 kids on the way and having enough time and energy to love them all at once!
Okay! I’m out – if you got this far, thanks for joining the ride with me.
For anyone considering working with Bianca – it’s a real privilege to get Bianca’s brain and energy in your business. There’s a real level of detail and depth of mastery to her work that not many people have. The nuances of energy are so important, because if we’re not aligned, we’ll sabotage ourselves and not make the sales we can.
Even teaching mindset myself, I can’t see my on blind spots, and I loved working with Bianca who is really strong in her own work, who didn’t put me on a pedestal but could really hold space for me and keep me accountable. There was a time that I did have massive anxiety because I was trying to be the strong one for everyone else. But nobody was doing that for me and so, I just fell apart after a while. You can be strong and still need support – that’s how we thrive.
The way Bianca has amalgamated everything is just an incredible, magical process, it was really intriguing for me. The breakthroughs just keep coming – to experience her method, her intuition, it really is the magic of it – she really sees you.
You can move through the stuff, the trauma, without being retraumatised
Every time I work with Bianca I have made more money, I have freed up my life a lot more, I have bought more time back and I’ve deepened my relationships.
What I’ve achieved since is beyond what I had ever imagined. I entered into a new industry and built a multiple 7 figure business in the first 3 months, opened a second office within 6 months and within 1 year we’re at 8 figures.
If you’re thinking about working with Bianca I 200% recommend it.
I was looking for somebody who encouraged me to charge my worth, believe in that work and not be afraid of what I am worth. Many people look at my life and think I had already achieved a lot, but I wanted to expand and grow, and aside from my very supportive husband, I have found it difficult to find people who push me to be better than I am.
Bianca really held me accountable to my vision and helped me branch out from my property software consulting business into coaching. I went from $110/hour sessions to selling over $50,000 in programs within 8 weeks. It was the ease at which it happened that was the best part – I kept accidentally selling people!
12 months after working with Bianca I am booked out 4 weeks in advance. I’m about to hire 12 – 15 staff and I am on a rapid rise to 100k a month. I don’t think I would have gotten here this quickly if it weren’t for Bianca’s support, emotional clearing techniques and big picture questioning. Bianca held me to a higher vision than I had for myself and I’m thrilled with what I’ve achieved
Confidence. Certainty. Courage. Cashflow …
Bianca is the Queen at helping you create all of these (and fast, there’s no f’ing around).
Before working with Bianca I was super stressed and thought it was too hard and I didn’t have time to be successful AND have a healthy life balance. But I was surprised at how quickly the shifts happened. It’s been no coincidence to me that as a result of the new clarity of mind, I’ve actually doubled my business at the same time.